Boy Bitchin'.

So this boy is making it really hard for me to get over him!

As anyone following me knows (I understand this is very few. lol but thanks to those out there!) I've been really into this guy for awhile know. Unfortunately however he is graduating in t-minus 13 days. This is honestly breaking me heart! I've known for sometime this is going no where. Not just because he's graduating, but because I'm from RI and he's from NY

However I've been trying to get over him for awhile know and he is making it amazingly impossible! Lately we've been spending more time together, keep in mind not alone, however we've definitely had our time. And every hello/goodbye leads with a kiss.

And today at dinner he came up and snuggled up next to me and then placed the sweetest kiss on my cheek leaving me breathless. However have no fear I kept my composure in front of everyone. lol

So why must he make this so difficult for me. I've tried my hardest to focus on his negative qualities, and I'm not saying he's without his flaws, but I can't seem to find one that would honestly keep me from dating him; and I am know to make up excuses until I'm blue in the face. It's not that I don't want a boyfriend, I DO! I'm just so afraid of being hurt that I tried to avoid it at all costs, leaving me alone. But for the first time I've found someone I think is worth the risk.

But then again maybe that's why I like him so much, he's so perfectly unattainable. Who knows.

But here's my question...have you ever been so smitten over a guy and how did it turn out? If it didn't how did you get over it, cause I need to know! =)

xx.

Lost In Love.

So I've come to a very sad realization while I was eating lunch today.

As you may know (if you actually read my blog) I've been crushing on this boy Andrew for a couple of months now. I fully realized nothing was ever gonna happen because I'm a freshman and he's a senior. It's not the age difference, but rather the fact that he's graduating in 3 weeks and then moving back home, or at least won't be at school anymore.

But like I said I knew this from the get go, however what I realized today was that he's still talking to the girl he was dating for awhile, while I doubt they're getting back together or anything, I just realize he's still not over her if he cares enough to fight.

Also today I realized that there are really only 2 weeks left at school, since I have an april vacation, and I probably will not see him at all during exam week.

It's really sad to realize something you've secretly been hoping for will never happen. I knew all the little things he said to me weren't life changing, but somewhere deep inside I wanted to believe he liked me a little bit more then just friends.

Foolish, childish wishing I'm well aware. It just hurts to finally accept. =(

I hope you all out there are having a much better time with love then me.

xx.

To Anyone Listening.

I'm a psychology major and the other day while reading post secrets I came across one that fit me to a T.

  

Everyday as I sit through class I find myself diagnosing my friends with a multitude of different diseases; bipolar disorder, depression, you name it, they've got it. I want to observe there every move, examine the way they do things to see if I can figure them out.

I think that may be one of the major reasons why I wanted to become a psych major, I want to know why people do the things they do. Why men cheat on there wives, why some people are popular and others aren't, why some girls always have a boy friend and others never.

I'm so interested in people and the way the mind works. I'm currently working on next years schedule and I'm taking Adolescent Psychology, since abnormal psych didn't fit in my schedule. Oh well, maybe next year.

So are there any other psych majors out there reading? And are you studying your friends and family too?

xx.

A Win For The Girl Next Door.

Sorry if it seems my focus has been on the male species...I swear I do think about other things, however why kick the trend now.

So I've come to see my self as the girl next door type. I'm the kind of girl who is totally content with not wearing make-up to class, and finds herself just a teenie wennie bit dorky. I'm NOT the girl who shows up to a house party dressed in heels, and a mini shirt...I'm the girl rocking the 3 year old chucks and a cardigan.

But here's the thing I've began to realize, that while the girl next door may be loved by all, she's not the girl guys are dying to chat up at a party in the hopes that it will lead to a little late night action.

Now I'm not saying the guys who fall for these girls are bad, because I have many guy friends, who think nothing of it, because casual sex is no big deal for most guys....it's scientifically proven that guys think of sex as a physical need while girls attach feelings to it. So we really can't blame them.

But tonight I was reminded that guys can tell the difference between a real girl, and someone just to fulfill a need.

I was talking to this guy--that I've been crushing on--at a party tonight. Normal conversation, nothing unusual when all of a sudden he tells me that he's sick of all the fake girls, and that I'm probably the best girl there.....ummm can you say WINNING!

I can't help but get excited when the nice guy comes out on top for a change. Now I understand this isn't a giant leap towards relationship station, but it just meant so much that for ONCE a guy I actually like notices me.

It's amazing what a few simple world can do to an average day. So remember, stop and appreciate the little things.

Friday Night Alone.

So it seems that all my friends went home this weekend and left me alone. It's a good thing I don't mind the alone time. Here's how I spent my crazy Friday night...

Did a weeks's worth of laundry

Worked on a new song

Cleaned the room

sang at the top of my lungs

How did you spend your Friday night?

Oh Silly Boys;

Here's a late night post to all the silly boys that are on our minds just as we're trying to fall asleep. Enjoy falling asleep with them, because in our dreams, anything can happen! =)

He's Just Not That Into You.

Just finished watching He's Just Not That Into You, for like the 9732893659837x, and once again I find new ways to relate to it. I think what I love most about this movie is it's honesty. I mean of course there are some happy-endings, or why else would people see it, but it's covers so many realistic issues people face in relationships.

From the opening statement, "Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave." I was hooked.

I always find myself relating to a combination of the characters Gigi, and Beth. A weird combo, I know, but let me explain. My emotions are just like Gigi's I over analyze every little thing a guy says to me, I interpret my self worth on how men around me see me, and most of all I fall to easily and to hard. However the thing that makes me more like Beth then Gigi is the fact that I don't say anything, I'm quiet and reserved, because I don't want to get hurt, or embarrassed, so I keep how I truly feel to myself, and like Beth I'm, metaphorically, waiting 7 years in a relationship to get married.

So here's a question for all of you out there, if you've seen the movie, which character do you relate too? And if you haven't seen the movie get up and go by it immediately!

Hello.

Well here it is my first post. So I guess if anyone is going to follow me, or understand where I'm coming from then they should probably know a little bit about me first...

My name is Vicky, and I'm not your average teenager. I had a pretty happy family, at least I thought so. I lived a middle class life with my mom, dad, and 4 younger siblings; Ashly, Stephanie, Laura, and Bryan. At the end of my Freshman year,we all moved to China with my dad for work. That's when everything changed, my dad cheated on my mom, and things have never been the same. We all moved back for the beginning of my senior year. Things were tough; my mom resented my dad for still being in China while she had to take care of all the kids, and everyone fought ALL the time. I hated it and couldn't wait to get out. On move in day to college my mom told me her divorce was finalized and our house was being taken away...great way to start school right? So now I've been at school for almost a year and have to deal with the constant fighting between all my family members at home, as well as staying focused on school work.

As much as I hate watching my family fall apart, I hate more how it's effected me personally. I'm 19 years old and have never been in a relationship. I watched my family fall apart, and my dad cheat on my mom. I want to believe in love, and that I could be loved, but I don't see it happening. And I'm not the kind of girl who does the whole "one-night stand" thing so as you may have guessed I'm still a virgin, which become more uncomfortable as each birthday passes. Because now I'm afraid I'll never find that one guy who thinks I'm good enough to wait for. It's not like I haven't had offers from guys, it's just ever guy I'm interested in, doesn't feel the same for me, which is just like being second best to other girls..who always seem to have that sex appeal I lack.


So to whoever out there  reading, or even cares, this my life so far. Please feel free to give all the advice you'd like because, I feel like I'll never be able to talk about these issues with my friends, they just don't understand.